Maintaining a meaningful,
engaging, powerful blog is my latest challenge. It's been several weeks since I
last posted something (only had 5 readers on that one!) I thought the tag lines
were good, but apparently not too many others thought so! :(
I’ve finally figured out
the problem: I’m “full-time everything” – a full-time wife, housekeeper, grandma,
piano teacher, volunteer for our mission organization, and wannabe
author. There are not enough hours in the day and I’m stuck with the 15 or so
waking hours I have.
Anyway, moving to another topic, I've been reading
over past journals, going all the way back to the 70s. Many of the entries are
drivel, but there have been some significant communications I've had with
God--usually during moments of crisis, discouragement, or pain. And sometimes I
demonstrate a down-right bad attitude.
Here's an interesting one:
Nov.
12, ‘84
At end of
rope again – manifested rebellion towards the Lord—threw Bible against wall.
Was dumb-struck at what I had just done. Resulted in deep breaking and
repentance. The Lord spoke (I even sensed Him smiling): “I’m not surprised.”
Long conversation with Him, brought rest and inner healing. I was drawn to
Psalm 13 NIV
For the
director of music. A psalm of David.
1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in
your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
I'm glad the Lord isn't shocked by my attitudes.
He still loves me, forgives me, and is ALWAYS good to me. Sometimes He has to
let me see the stuff that’s buried deep down. It isn’t pretty, but being
brought to the surface allows Him to deal with it.
The bottom line is that I can trust in His
unfailing love and rejoice in His salvation.
Wow, Connie! First of all, I had no idea you were blogging; probably my fault, bit self-absorbed in my stuff sometimes. Your honesty about your feelings and attitudes comforts me so much during this time. I am in the midst of seeking emotional balance and a basic "shut up" to my mind, it has not helped me at all! Than the feelings of guilt and the voices" shame on you, you should know better", ugh! Thank you for sharing this; love you so much!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Laura. There's no doubt that we're all a work in progress. Here I am, at 70 years, and still SO much yet to be done in me. I find, though, that the more I get involved in blessing, encouraging, touching other lives, the less frustration and discouragement I find in looking at my own lacks. Hugs!
DeletePatiently waiting for your next post ;)
ReplyDelete